i think it is incredibly unfair that the process of ending your own life is, in this culture, a necessarily lonely and grim affair.

according to the theory of complete bodily autonomy the option must be available, simple, painless, and ideally a joyful shared experience. but the moment you make such a desire known to others, they will try to “help” you. and i can assure you that their idea of “help” will not be pleasant for you.

so, sadly, you must tread this path alone.

philosophically, i think it offends people because it forces them to acknowledge that their own life is probably not worth preserving. we force each other to suffer through it all because no one wants to openly admit that this shit just plain-old-sucks.

i have recently become very aware of and disgusted by the the amount of plastic waste i make.

every single goddammed thing is covered in it. it’s obscene and i am ashamed.

i spend a lot of time alone and so my mind wandering out unattended can be a real problem. years ago (45 now), i finally traced back to the single moments in my life that caused my demise and since then my brain LOVES to torture me repeatedly with the pain and betrayal and shame and anger of those moments.

1.5 years ago i found something that helps. i made “elevator music” for my mind.

i have always had a bit of a problem getting songs stuck in my head. so i found one that i like but not love (not a favorite song) that i have known for forever, and put the chorus and bridge on permanent replay.

the tune and lyrics are available as a reflex, last for about a minute before the loopback, it is calming and centering and allows me to manually wrest control away from thought processes that are harming me but seem to be happening automatically.

it may be that this is too specific of a solution, but it aids my sanity. good luck to you.

(the song is: “Spinning the Wheel” by George Michael)

it is really bugging me that you are getting heavily downvoted for this. it’s not like you are actively proselytizing here. i am sorry people are so shitty.

i think belief in (some type of) god is probably pretty healthy. unfortunately, my life experience has led me to a failure to believe in anything at all.

anyways… you do you. be well.

i got to spend 30 minutes in the doctors waiting room last week and they had a pop playlist running. i rarely listen to (any) music these days and spend my time in public with earplugs jammed in my ears.

the music coming from those speakers was ungodly distracting, aggressive, poorly constructed and LOUD. i brought it up to my family and they told me i sound like an old man (45).

i don’t think it’s just my age.

loudness wars

my favorite game since childhood. forever and ever, amen.

back when i was younger and had the energy and focus to do so, i would engage with my father (whom holds unreasonable opinions such as you are up against with your family).

often, i would catch him making a point which directly contradicted an earlier point of his. i would then circle back to the earlier point and connect the two, breaking both of his arguments and hopefully forcing a concession.

but somehow he was able to blind himself to self-contradiction. it was infuriating.

the moral here is that i do not think it is possible to change anyone’s mind, even if you are clear and rational and your point is water-tight.

your love for and enjoyment of them must be independent of political and religious differences. good luck!

holy shit. i can believe you actually made that make sense. well done.

i found myself laughing at your story. sorry, it’s not you… just to hear that they seem so inept and useless.

geeez. thanks for the warning.